Thursday, March 27, 2008

Schnorrers' Day on Wall Street

"Hooray for Chair Bernanke
The economic explorer
'Did someone call him 'schnorrer''?

...

This fact I emphasize with stress,
I never print a dollar unless - Somebody's buying.

---Groucho Marx (Ben Bernanke), Animal Crackers

Groucho Marx was, of course singing about himself, Captain Spaulding, in Animal Crackers, but with a small modification or two the lines sing of Ben Bernanke. In case your Yiddish is rusty, "schnorrer" means beggar or sponger, according to Wikipedia. Is it fair that John Q. Public is subsidizing multi-million dollar Wall Street salaries for guys who can't figure out how to run a business?

Please review the entire song:

(All on Wall Street)
At last we are to meet him,
The famous Ben Bernanke.
From climates hot and cranky,
The Chairman has arrived.

Most heartily we'll greet him,
With plain and fancy cheering.
Until he's hard of hearing.
The Chairman has arrived.
At last - The Chairman has arrived.

(Butler)
Mr. Horatio W. Jamison, Field Secretary to Chair Bernanke.

(Jamison/Zeppo)
I represent the Chairman who insists on my informing you of these conditions under which he camps here. In one thing he is very strict, he wants his women young and picked and as for Wall Street bankers, he won't have any tramps here.

(All on Wall Street)
As for bankers he won't have any tramps here,
There must be no tramps.

(Jamison/Zeppo)
The bankers must all be very old,
The women warm, the champagne cold.
It's under these conditions that he camps here.

(Voice off Screen)
I'm announcing Chairman Ben Bernanke

(All on Wall Street)
He's announcing Ben Bernanke

Oh dear, he is coming,
At last he's here.

(Chair Bernanke)
Hello, I must be going,
I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be printing.
I'm glad I came, but just the same I must be going.
La La.

(Mrs. Rittenhouse/Margaret Dumont)
For my sake you must stay.
If you should go away,
You'd spoil this party I am throwing.

(Chair Bernanke)
I'll stay a week or two,
I'll stay the summer through,
But I am telling you,
I must be printing.

(All on Wall Street)
Before you print,
Will you oblige us,
And tell us of your deeds so glowing?

(Bernanke)
I'll print as much as you say,
In fact I'll even stay!
I'll print dollars far and away!

(All on Wall Street)
Good!

(Bernanke)
But I must be going.
I must be printing.

(Jamison/Zeppo)
There's something that I'd like to say,
That he's too modest to relay.
The Chairman is a moral man.
Sometimes he finds it trying
To be printing and printing.

(Bernanke)
This fact I emphasize with stress,
I never print a buck unless - Somebody's buying.
I never print a buck unless - Somebody's paying.

(All on Wall Street)
The Chairman is a very moral man.

(Jamison/Zeppo)
If he hears of a high interest rate, He'll naturally repel it.

(Bernanke)
I hate a high interest rate I do.

(All on Wall Street)
The Chairman is a very moral man.
Hooray for Chair Bernanke, The economic explorer.

(Chair Bernanke)
Did someone call me Shnorrer?

(All on Wall Street)
Hooray, Hooray, Hooray.

(Jamison/Zeppo)
He went onto Wall Street where all the bankers pocket bucks.

(Chair Bernanke)
If I stay here I'll go nuts.

(All on Wall Street)
Hooray, Hooray, Hooray.
He put all his reliance, In courage and defiance,
And risked his life for economic science.

(Chair Bernanke)
Hey, hey.

(Mrs. Rittenhouse/Margaret Dumont)
You are the only Chairman to print money over every acre.

(Chair Bernanke)
I think I'll try and make her.

(All on Wall Street)
Hooray, Hooray, Hooray.
He put all his reliance, In courage and defiance,
And risked his life for economic science.

(Chair Bernanke)
Hey, hey.

(All on Wall Street)
Hooray for Chair Bernanke, The economic explorer.
He brought his name undying fame
And that is why we say, Hooray, Hooray, Hooray.

(Chair Bernanke attempts to speak)
My friends, I am highly gratified at this magnificent display of effusion and I want
you to know.........

(All on Wall Street)
Hooray for Bernanke, The economic explorer.
He brought his name undying fame
And that is why we say, Hooray, Hooray, Hooray.

(Chair Bernanke)
My friends, I am highly gratified at this magnificent display of effusion and I want
you to know.........

Hooray for Ben Bernanke, Wall Street's hero.....
Well, somebody's got to do it!

Hooray, hooray, hooray.

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